colleennicole asked:
I have a great husband, a 5 year old daughter and two year old son. children, everything is great except for my father in law. He lives with us because no one else will live with him. He is an ex con and doesn’t have a license, so he uses that as an excuse to not work. He doesn’t do anything but sit around all day drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, playing online poker and hiding out in his room. Our income is tight, at this point we are living paycheck to paycheck barely making ends meet. Right now I am working because I make more than my husband and also to get away from his dad. My husband is not working because I don’t want his dad to watch the kids because he parks them in front of the tv, feeds them crap and never takes my daughter to school. Her school is right around the corner so he can walk her, but he doesn’t like to deal with her because she is to “high maintenance” for him. He does not contribute to the household and it drives me insane. I tried to deal but every time I see him I get so angry! Ever since he moved in I have started having anxiety attacks when I get stresses. My husband wants him to stay with us because when ever his dad leaves he drinks, takes pills and ends up in the hospital or in jail. My husband is afraid he will die, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?
Minnie
I have a great husband, a 5 year old daughter and two year old son. children, everything is great except for my father in law. He lives with us because no one else will live with him. He is an ex con and doesn’t have a license, so he uses that as an excuse to not work. He doesn’t do anything but sit around all day drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, playing online poker and hiding out in his room. Our income is tight, at this point we are living paycheck to paycheck barely making ends meet. Right now I am working because I make more than my husband and also to get away from his dad. My husband is not working because I don’t want his dad to watch the kids because he parks them in front of the tv, feeds them crap and never takes my daughter to school. Her school is right around the corner so he can walk her, but he doesn’t like to deal with her because she is to “high maintenance” for him. He does not contribute to the household and it drives me insane. I tried to deal but every time I see him I get so angry! Ever since he moved in I have started having anxiety attacks when I get stresses. My husband wants him to stay with us because when ever his dad leaves he drinks, takes pills and ends up in the hospital or in jail. My husband is afraid he will die, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?
Minnie
Tags: Pills, Poker, Smoking Cigarettes
Howard
“My husband wants him to stay with us because when ever his dad leaves he drinks, takes pills and ends up in the hospital or in jail. My husband is afraid he will die”, you say. Nice.
So, what will he do when stress makes this happens to you, as it surely must? Unpleasant, selfis
Willie
Well Colleen, it sounds like a difficult decision you will have to make. Your husband is not responsible for keeping his father alive at the cost of his home life. Your husband has put more of a burden on you than is necessary.
My decision is that Dad would have to leave the home. He is putting a burden on the marriage, on the finances, on the children and on you with no contribution at all. Not even to walk the child to school around the corner and treat the children (his grandchildren) with some concern and respect.
You husband may object to his father being put out because he wants to protect his Dad from the evils of drugs and alcohol and spare him a stay in jail or the hospital, but that’s too bad. You don’t need the dysfunction in your home and around your children. If your husband objects too hard, he can go with Dad, since he’s not working and there’ll be no financial loss to you. In fact, if you’re not feeding the two of them, you’ll reduce your grocery bill.
Please don’t cringe at my harshness, I know you must love your husband, but when you have children to raise, the mushiness goes out the window and you do what’s best for all concerned. And grandpa ain’t it.
Good Luck
Minnie
Suggest putting him in a rehab facility
Robert
Explain it to your husband like this:
Someday our son will have a wife and family. Would you want our son to put us before his wife and children or do you want him to be the man of his own house? I want my man back. We can’t be a family while trying to rehabilitate your father. I have found a residential treatment center where they will provide the proper care for him. If that isn’t something he wants then I found a cheap apartment and here is a job application for McDonald’s. He has 30 days to decide which route he wants to take. On day 31 if he is still here me and the children will be at the WestEnd Apartments. When you are finished caring for your father and ready to be a father we’ll be back.
This is a terrible burden that your father in law has placed on your family. Your husband is going to have to face the fact that he isn’t the parent of his father. I would be very firm on giving his father the two options. It sounds like he needs treatment and unless the two of you are drug counselors or psychiatrists he needs to be placed in a setting that would be more beneficial to his needs.
Erica
i feel very sorry for you,i think your husband should tell his dad its time he moved out and stood on his own two feet, while you put up with this situation his father won’t alter his ways. good luck
Eileen
i agree with lisa marie completely.
i understand that parents are important people in your life, but once you get married and especailly after you have kids, you have to start thinking in terms of your own family first.
you have a daughter and a son that i am sure neither you or your husband want to turn out like their grandfather. if you keep him around, that is what will happen. letting him act in such a manner gives your children the impression that you accept that behavior. if you want to set the right example for your children and truly do what is best for grandpa’s well being, you need to set the ground rules and enforce them-if that means you have to throw him out, thats what you have to do
your husband really needs to show as much compasion for you as he seems to for your father-in-law, or hes not worth keeping around either.
Vicki
Once a spouse gets married and has kids, they are suppose to come first, over the parents. Your husband is not doing that. He’s putting his father over you. He’s not caring what you think. Give him an ultimatum. Dad or you. Force him to choose.